


i'm not gonna make it alone

by Spannah339



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, also a bit of, i love one (1) boy and his raccoon best friend, this is literally 7k words of ruddiger and varian being buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spannah339/pseuds/Spannah339
Summary: Ruddiger stayed.
Relationships: Ruddiger & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 60





	i'm not gonna make it alone

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Let's write a quick soft and maybe a bit angsty thing about Varian and Ruddiger   
> Me, 7,000 words later: oops.

“Oh come on, really?  _ Again _ ?” 

The animal stared down at him from the shelf. Varian pressed his hands to his hips, glaring up at it. For a long moment they stood that way, stalemate, neither willing to break eye contact first. 

“Y’know,” Varian said, finally giving up. The raccoon seemed surprisingly smug at winning their staring contest. It chattered happily, bounding along the top of the self as Varian scrambled onto the nearby desk. “I really don’t know why you insist on coming in here - all the apples are outside.” 

He stood on the desk, one hand on the wall. The top of the shelf was eye level now, the raccoon sitting smugly at the other end. 

“And when Dad finds you’re in here  _ again _ , he’s not gonna be happy,” Varian threatened. To be fair, it was just as likely Dad wouldn’t visit the lab - he never did - so the raccoon was probably safe. 

It seemed to know that, sitting smugly, watching as though it were interested to see what he would do next. Varian scowled, laying a hand on the shelf and testing it. It seemed sturdy enough. 

He was halfway onto the shelf when the raccoon decided it had had enough. With a chirp and a bound, it leapt forward, lighting briefly on Varian’s head before bounding onto his back and down to the ground. 

“Hey!” Varian cried, twisting to watch. The twist was too much and his hand landed on nothing. A flash of fear shot through him and then he was falling, letting out a yelp as he did. 

He hit the ground, a few empty vials he had knocked off in his fall shattering around him. For a moment, he lay there, eyes closed, waiting to regain his breath. 

A low trill came from above and he opened to see the raccoon, sitting on his chest, grinning down at him (and  _ yes _ it  _ was _ grinning - Varian  _ knew _ .) 

“Yeah, real funny,” he muttered. The raccoon  _ laughed _ . 

~*~

“Varian, we talked about this.” 

His father’s voice was disappointed, and somehow that was worse than anger. Varian looked down, gripping his arm, unable to meet his father’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry - I just…” he began, but his father cut him off. 

“Varian, this is the third time something like that has happened  _ this month _ . You’re going to hurt someone.” 

“I know! I don’t mean it. But Dad,” he said, looking up, spreading his hands wide, “if it works then bringing in the harvest would -” 

“Varian!” Dad’s voice was sharp, enough to let Varian know the conversation was over. He looked down, suddenly fighting back tears. “Look, I know you want to help,” Dad said quietly, his voice a little softer. “But this isn’t the way to do it, son.” He laid a hand on Varian’s shoulder, and Varian turned his head away. “I just don’t want you to hurt anyone. Or yourself.” 

“I know,” Varian whispered, not trusting himself to speak any louder. His father sighed, straightening and leaving the lab he had rushed into a few moments before, after Varian’s latest project had ended in disaster. 

Again. 

Varian sighed, sitting down heavily among the remains of the harvester he had been working on. He rolled a few stray screws in his fingers, watching the metal clink together. 

A soft trill came from the window and Varian looked up, wiping his eyes quickly (he hadn’t been crying, he  _ hadn’t _ ). 

“Oh, it’s you again,” he said. The raccoon chirped, leaping off the window and bounding towards Varian. He sighed, holding out a hand to it. That seemed to be all the invitation it needed - with a chirp, it bounded up to him, settling onto his lap. Varian smiled in spite of himself, running a gloved hand through the animal’s fur. 

“Thanks, buddy,” he said quietly.

~*~

“Guess what, buddy!” Varian cried, pushing open the door to his new lab - it wasn’t quite as large as the one that had been destroyed when his water heaters had exploded, but it was enough for his needs. 

Ruddiger looked up from the large, black rock he had been curled up on (that really didn’t look like a comfortable seat, but who was Varian to argue?) He chirped questioningly, wrapping his paws around the rock. 

“It was a success. Well, kinda. I mean, we did create a tornado that almost sucked everyone up and destroyed the whole of Corona, but - eh-heh - no one got  _ hurt _ . Well… no one important anyway, the judge of the contest was kinda a jerk.” 

He moved around the lab, humming a tune slightly. With a glow of pride, he carefully unpinned the first prize ribbon from his chest, laying it on the desk. 

“And I gave Cassandra the cassandrium! I think she liked it, well, I hope she liked it. I mean…” He turned, facing Ruddiger. “Do you think she liked it?” 

Ruddiger shrugged, leaping off the rock and bounding over to join Varian. He quickly leapt onto the desk, staring intently at the ribbon. 

“It’s pretty cool right,” Varian said. “I didn’t  _ technically _ win, but my invention did the coolest thing! Even though it nearly messed everything up.” He sighed, laying both hands on the desk, his excitement after the expo fading slightly. 

Ruddiger chirped happily, bounding onto his shoulders. 

“Hey, woah, what’re you doing?” Varian asked. “Hey, stop, that tickles.” He broke down into giggles as Ruddiger buried his whiskers into the side of Varian’s cheek. Stumbling back a few paces, Varian grinned, reaching up to lift the animal off his shoulders. “You’re right, it was a good day. I should stop focusing on what went wrong.” 

Ruddiger under one arm, he turned to face the rocks again. Rapunzel had promised to help, and he knew she would keep that promise. But he wanted to study them as much as he could, find out what he could and then go to the princess with that information. 

“Okay, buddy,” he said, lifting Ruddiger to talk to him face to face. “Let’s get started, shall we?” 

Ruddiger chattered excitedly, wriggling out of his grasp and crawling back onto his shoulders. Varian grinned. It was kinda nice having the raccoon’s warmth around his neck. 

~*~

“They will  _ pay _ .” 

His hands were clenched tight, his cheeks wet with tears and snow, grief and fear merging together into one burning ball of  _ rage _ . 

His father was frozen before him, reaching out in a last, failed effort to escape. Varian could barely take his eyes off the sight, but he couldn’t  _ bear _ to look anymore. His father was frozen, frozen and still and silent and - and he could be  _ dead _ for all Varian knew. 

_ “My fault _ ,” a voice whispered in the back of his mind. But he pushed it away before the thought became too powerful, before it took him over and made him helpless and unable to do anything due to his guilt. 

“ _ Their fault _ ,” he told himself. It was their fault - the king, for not doing anything about the rocks. The kingdom, for refusing to help him.  _ Rapunzel _ for not keeping her  _ promise _ . 

It was their fault and they were going to  _ pay _ . 

Ruddiger, curled under the desk, watched his friend, watched as he succumbed to grief, to anger, to the easy path of darkness. Ruddiger watched for a moment, at first a little afraid, but slowly he began to emerge from the shadows. 

Varian needed a friend, and Ruddiger wasn’t going to leave him. 

~*~

Ruddiger stayed. His father had left him. Rapunzel had abandoned him. Old Corona moved to their new land, electing a new leader. But Varian remained, determined to find the answers, to set his father free. 

And Ruddiger stayed too, despite the cold of the air. Despite the snow coating the ground outside, the lack of apples and the chill that refused to leave the laboratory. Ruddiger stayed. 

Varian didn’t know why, but he was afraid to question it. Afraid that if he did, Ruddiger would leave him, leave him completely and utterly  _ alone _ . 

And that  _ terrified  _ him. 

So they worked together, mostly in silence, Varian occasionally ranting, shouting, raging. Ruddiger bullying him to sleep, to eat, to drink when he needed it. 

They survived. 

And Ruddiger stayed. 

~*~

“It didn’t work!” Varian shouted, throwing the vial across the room. “Nothing works! Nothing ever works!” He slammed a fist into the amber, not caring that it hurt his hands, not caring that it would do nothing. 

“Nothing ever works and everything I try  _ fails _ !” 

Ruddiger chirped softly, stepping a little closer. He had been more hesitant as of late, always present, but not as quick to leap onto Varian’s shoulder. Varian didn’t blame him. 

“I keep failing! And failing! And hurting people and I don’t know what to do, Ruddiger!” Varian shouted. He turned, kicking hard at a slab of metal. It only succeeded in sending stabbing pain up his leg and he let out a bellow of rage, of anger, of grief, turning and slamming both hands into the amber. “I’m sorry,” he gasped out. “I’m  _ trying _ , Dad! I promise. I’m trying.” 

He sobbed, his shoulders shaking, the anger fading. Slowly, he sank down the amber, curling into himself and leaning against it, pretending his father was still there, pretending his father was going to lean down and hold him close as he used to when he was a child. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

Ruddiger bounded forward, wriggling under his arms and pressing a cold nose to his chin. Varian sobbed, wrapping the raccoon in his arms. For a moment, he stayed that way, clutching Ruddiger tightly, curled against the amber, against his father. His shoulders shook with silent sobs, tears wetting Ruddiger’s fur. 

“I’m trying,” he whispered. Ruddiger crooned softly, pressing close to him, trying to give him as much comfort as possible. 

“I’ll figure it out, Dad. I promise,” Varian whispered, looking up at the imposing figure of his father, encased, trapped, silent. Ruddiger purred softly, curling up close, trying to be warmth in the boy’s cold life. 

~*~

The flower wouldn’t work but he knew what would (it would work, it would, it  _ had to _ ). The flower had lost its power and given it to Rapunzel. Rapunzel, who had turned her back on Varian when he had needed her most. Rapunzel, who had  _ promised _ him aid and thrown him aside when he asked for her to make good on that promise. Rapunzel who had forgotten about him, cast him aside,  _ betrayed _ him. 

Rapunzel would free his father. 

Rapunzel would free his father, or Varian didn’t know  _ what _ he would do. (But he refused to even consider that. This plan would work. It would work because every other plan had failed.) 

Now that he had a goal to work towards, things became a little easier. He knew what he was doing, it was only a matter of doing it. And if anyone got hurt in the process, that was their own fault for getting in his way. 

It wouldn’t have come to this if they had just listened to him.  _ Helped  _ him. 

Ruddiger stayed, settled on his shoulders, on his desk, curled up close. Varian took advantage of that. He needed a distraction, someone to keep Corona busy while he caught his bait. 

Ruddiger stayed, so Ruddiger became the distraction. 

Ruddiger didn’t want to, but Ruddiger knew Varian needed him. He would do anything for the kid - even this. Varian was obsessed, focused on the goal, on what he was trying to achieve. Varian wasn’t thinking straight but Ruddiger refused to leave. 

“It’ll only be for a few minutes,” Varian said, mixing chemicals together, goggles on as he peered at the glass that held them. “And then you’ll be back to normal.” He was justifying it, to himself, to the raccoon - neither of them knew. 

But Ruddiger knew he wasn’t going to leave Varian. He would help in whatever way he could. Would do whatever he could to keep Varian from slipping too far. 

Even if that meant being turned into a monster. 

~*~

He had  _ failed _ . He had failed  _ again _ and it was  _ their fault _ . Nothing worked, nothing had ever worked, nothing  _ was ever _ going to work. His father was  _ gone _ and Varian was  _ never _ going to see him again. 

He  _ refused _ to show weakness. He stood in the prison cart, glaring out at the world that had turned its back on him. They had beat him down, beat him back, but he wasn’t going to give them the  _ satisfaction _ of seeing him break. He was still strong, even if something inside him had broken a long time ago. 

With a flash of fur, a familiar weight settled onto his shoulder. Varian reacted with surprise, hiding his reaction a moment later. He  _ wasn’t _ going to show them any emotion. He was  _ strong _ . 

The cart began to rattle away and Varian sat, his shoulders rigid, his breathing tight. Ruddiger pressed his nose into Varian’s cheek and Varian lifted a chained hand. 

“Why’re you here?” he whispered, his voice surprisingly hard. He  _ refused _ to show any emotion. 

Ruddiger didn’t answer, curling tightly around him and suddenly Varian was fighting back tears.  _ Why _ was Ruddiger here? He had turned his  _ only friend _ into a monster! Why did Ruddiger insist on  _ staying with him _ ? 

He kept his composure with effort as they returned to the castle, as he was marched through the halls, chains heavy on his wrists, head held high. He kept his emotions behind a wall as he was shown into a small cell, as the door was slammed shut and locked behind him. He refused to break as the guards moved around, exchanging a few words, as the prison slowly grew silent. 

Ruddiger shifted, crawling down his front to settle in his lap. The raccoon stood on his hind legs, lifting a paw and pressing it to Varian’s cheek. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , Varian allowed himself the luxury of tears. He let out a low sob, and that was enough to break the dams, to have him curl into a tight ball with Ruddiger in the centre, pressed close, tears finally falling, his shoulders shaking as he curled in the corner of his cell, the walls cold and unforgiving against his back. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I failed again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The tears came faster and he clung to Ruddiger, even though he didn’t know  _ why _ Ruddiger was still here. He was giving up freedom, the world outside, the ability to run free and wherever he wanted. 

He was giving all that up for Varian. For a boy who had failed everyone his  _ entire life _ . For a friend who had pushed him aside. For someone who had  _ turned him into a monster _ and no amount of apologies would  _ ever  _ make up for that. 

Varian curled in his cell and  _ cried _ , clinging to Ruddiger as his last sliver of comfort in a world where everyone had left him. 

~*~

“He’s the one who captured the queen….” 

“.... nearly killed the captain's daughter…” 

“...attacked the princess…” 

“... heard he killed his own father…” 

He was used to the mutters by now. The whispers outside his cell. The ‘accidental’ shoves and pushes and kicks. The food brought for him somehow vanishing in transit. The night guards being just a little too loud for him to sleep comfortably (not that he slept much anyway). 

He was used to it by now, and he refused to let them know they were getting to him. Slowly wearing away at his soul. 

He deserved it, he knew. After everything he had done, he deserved worse really. Every bruise, every cut, every sleepless night - he deserved all that and more for what he had done. 

Sometimes, he thought of Before. He thought of his father smiling at him after he had helped with the harvest. He thought of Rapunzel’s warm eyes. He thought of Cassandra actually smiling at him for the first time. He thought of Eugene, of finally meeting his childhood hero. Sometimes he thought of Before. But it hurt too much to think for long, to remember what he had thrown aside. To remember what he had lost. To remember how he had been abandoned. 

It was better to focus on the now, on surviving the next day, on… on whatever came next. If there was going to  _ be _ a next. 

The door to the cell swung open and he looked up sharply, the now-familiar mask of anger and hardness taking over his expression. (Sometimes, it was exhausting keeping up that mask. Sometimes he wanted to break down and be a  _ kid _ again. But he refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing that. Not yet, at least. They needed to wear him down a little more for that to happen.) 

One of the guards stepped in with a tray of food, closing the door behind him. Varian watched him warily, waiting to see if this was just a food delivery visit, or if it was going to turn into something more. Ruddiger shifted from the bundle of fur he had been sleeping in on the other side of the cell, ears pricked and eyes narrowed as he watched. 

The guard stepped closer and Varian instinctively curled a little more into himself, trying to be smaller, sensing that this wasn’t just a food delivery visit. Sure enough, the guard stepped forward, paused, and purposely stumbled, releasing the food. 

Varian flinched as the food tray clattered on the ground, the sound sending his heart racing. He scowled, trying to appear far less on edge than he was feeling. The guard leaned close, an ugly smirk on his face. 

“Whoops,” he said, in a voice that made it clear he had done that very deliberately. “C’mon, kid - you got your lunch. Eat up.” He stepped back, smirking. Varian’s eyes flicked briefly down to where the prison slop was spread across the stone floor, then back to the guard. “Too good for you then?” the guard asked. 

Varian didn’t answer, forcing himself to keep eye contact with the guard, despite the bruise on his cheek that hadn’t faded from the last time he had done that. He refused to show weakness. 

“What are you going to do then,  _ kid _ ?” the guard asked. He stepped across the room and Varian curled into himself more, hugging his knees, keeping his eyes locked with the guard, trying to settle his heart again. “Kill me? Vanish me with your dark magics?” 

“Not magic,” Varian muttered, instantly cursing himself for doing so. It was better to be silent, to not give them anything to build on. Better to let them wear themselves out and leave. Speaking was always a bad idea - especially contradicting them. 

“What was that?” the guard said, taking a step forward. He was big. Varian bit his cheek -  _ hard _ \- and kept up eye contact. “Are you cursing me?” 

Don’t answer. Don’t answer. It was better to be silent. Maybe he’d get a few more bruises today, and then he’d be left alone again. If he spoke up again, it would likely be worse. 

The guard’s hand shot out, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and hauling him up. Varian couldn’t help panic flashing across his face, a small noise of fear escaping. His legs left the ground, the guard’s face inches away from his own. 

With a loud scream, Ruddiger appeared from nowhere, landing on the guard’s head. He was hissing, screeching, clawing at the guard’s helmet. With a cry of surprise, the guard staggered back, releasing Varian. 

Varian landed heavily, gasping and scrambling quickly to the corner of the cell, the taste of blood in his mouth from his cheek. Ruddiger leapt to the ground in front of him, hackles raised, screaming loud enough to wake the dead at the guard. For a moment, the guard hesitated, then decided it wasn’t worth it. He let out a long snort, turning and making his way out of the room - stepping firmly into the centre of the spilt meal. 

Varian was shaking as the cell door slammed shut. He pressed himself into the corner of the cell, wrapping his arms around himself and closing his eyes, trying to keep his breathing even. Ruddiger’s familiar warmth appeared beside him, pressing into his side. Varian reached up, pulling him close, breathing in his comforting smell. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice catching. Ruddiger trilled softly, pressing into him. 

~*~

“So you’re the kid who kidnapped the queen. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Varian’s new cellmate was standing on the other side of the room, leaning casually against the wall. He was surprisingly well kept for a prisoner - his long hair flowing down his back, a well-groomed beard hugging his chin. 

Varian didn’t answer him. He was sitting cross-legged on the bench opposite his new roommate, Ruddiger curled up in his lap. It was getting harder to appear casual and not retreat into himself, but something about this new prisoner made Varian think that his luck was about to change. 

For better or worse, he wasn’t sure. 

“I have to say, I’m impressed. I’m Andrew, by the way,” the man said. He pushed himself off the wall, moving to sit on the bench opposite Varian, perching on the edge. “And I have a proposition for you.” 

Ruddiger growled, low in his chest - quiet enough for Varian to  _ feel _ instead of hear. But despite the raccoon’s obvious dislike for the man, Varian couldn’t help but be intrigued. He wanted to  _ get out _ , to leave behind the sleepless nights, the constant bruises, scrapes and cuts. He wanted to feel the wind again, to see the stars without the small, barred window blocking his view. 

If this Andrew was going to be his way out, he was willing to listen. 

“What?” he asked, shortly, not willing to give him any more. Ruddiger stopped growling, looking up at Varian. He ignored the raccoon, pressing a hand onto his head and petting him softly. 

Andrew smiled, leaning back. 

“I hear you’re good with machines - science. We might have a use for that.” 

_ Science _ . It had been so  _ long _ since he had been allowed to do anything alchemy related. People had been naming him magician for so long, part of him had almost started to believe it. He wanted to experiment again. 

“I see that has you interested,” Andrew said and Varian quickly schooled his face back into its mask of no emotion. “I have friends, friends who are going to help me - and I think you are going to be the last piece of the puzzle.” 

“I’m listening,” Varian said. He shifted forward, ignoring Ruddiger’s warning chatter. Ruddiger wasn’t the one dealing with the beatings, the hunger, the lack of sleep. Ruddiger wasn’t the one who was never going to be forgiven. 

“My friends have a wand - it’s able to erase memories. We’re going to take over Corona - erase the memories of the king and wait until the princess comes back and we can own everything.” 

Erase memories. The words danced before Varian, a lifeline in a sea of guilt. A light in the darkness he had been living in for the past few months. 

Erase memories. 

He could make them all  _ forget _ . 

He could make them forget he had kidnapped the queen. 

He could make them forget he had betrayed them. 

He could make them forget he had hurt so many people. 

He could make them  _ forgive him _ . 

The sudden hope burst into his chest and he took in a quick breath. No one was going to forgive him - he had gone too far for that. But by erasing their memories, he could  _ be someone _ again. He could… 

He could have  _ friends _ again. 

“What do you want me to do?” he said. Andrew smiled, a smile that really should have put him on edge. 

Ruddiger shifted nervously, chirping a warning, trying to pull his friend back from the dark path that had opened before him. 

But Varian didn’t listen, taken in by the  _ chance _ of erasing the mistakes of the past. 

~*~

“Hey, Ruddiger, leave it,” Varian said absently. He was bent over the table, mask pulled up and goggles on as he carefully measured chemicals. (He was  _ so close _ to making it  _ work _ . Please, please if  _ one _ of his experiments worked, let it be this one). Ruddiger chattered from across the table, one paw on a vial. 

“I said,  _ leave it _ ,” Varian snapped, looking up. Ruddiger chirped, satisfied to have gained his attention and bounded across the table. Varian waved a hand at him. “C’mon, buddy, I have to finish this.” 

Ruddiger trilled accusingly, gripping an arm and tugging at him. Varian scowled, pulling his mask down. 

“You’ve been real unhelpful lately, you know that?” he said. Ruddiger glared at him. “Look, I  _ know _ you don’t like Andrew. But I’m doing this, okay?” 

Ruddiger chattered at him angrily. 

“No! I’m not going to stop! This is my  _ only chance _ , Ruddiger. Why don’t you get that?” 

“Is the rat bothering you again?” 

Andrew’s voice in the door caused Varian to blink, looking up. 

“Uh, no no,” he said quickly. Ruddiger growled shortly as Andrew stepped into the lab, bounding in front of Varian. Varian pushed him aside in annoyance. “He’s just being a little bothersome today.” He paused, staring down at his hand as he opened and closed it. “Is this really a good idea?” he asked finally. “I mean… taking over. Making the citizens work like that. When the princess comes back she’ll -

“Hey, I thought you were cool, buddy,” Andrew said. He moved across the room, laying a hand on Varian’s shoulder. His touch sent a spark through Varian and he couldn’t help but lean into it slightly. “We can’t afford any distractions, alright?” Andrew crouched so he was eye level with Varian, lifting his other hand to lay that on his shoulder as well. Varian hesitated, glancing back at Ruddiger on the table.

The raccoon growled softly and Varian hesitated again. Part of him wondered if this really was a good idea. Erasing the memories of the king and queen was one thing - but the entire kingdom? 

“You want them to forgive you, right?” Andrew said quietly, and Varian turned back to him, something twisting inside. He nodded slowly. “This is the only way. Get rid of the rat if it’s going to be a distraction. You don’t want to go back, do you?” 

He stood, patting Varian on the shoulder and turning to leave. Varian looked at his feet as the door closed behind him, thoughts swirling inside. Andrew’s last words had sent a rush of  _ panic _ through his whole body. Even the  _ idea  _ of going back made him terrified, the thought of returning to the cold stone walls, to the hunger and exhaustion and abuse of prison. He  _ couldn’t _ go back. 

No distractions. 

It would only be for a short time - once he had the quiriniam perfected, Ruddiger’s memory would be lost as well and things could go back to normal. He took a deep breath, gripping his arm across his body and looking up at Ruddiger. The raccoon chirped, taking an uncertain step forward, concern clear on his face. 

“Sorry, buddy,” Varian said, his voice hard. “But he’s right. If you’re going to be a distraction, I have to get rid of you.” 

Ruddiger stepped back, trilling anxiously. But Varian didn’t stop to think, crossing the room and quickly scooping the raccoon up in his arms. He marched through the walls of the castle, holding Ruddiger firmly. 

_ “I have to do this. Ruddiger is trying to stop me, I can’t let that happen. He has to go. Just until I’m finished. Just until things can go back to normal _ .” 

The streets of Corona were empty as he ran through them, rain beginning to pour. He stopped at the bridge, holding Ruddiger up. 

“It’s better this way, buddy,” he said. Ruddiger trilled, hurt clear in his voice. Varian shut his eyes and lowered the raccoon, placing him onto the cold stone of the path. “Go. Go, eat apples, climb trees, be a raccoon. You should have left long ago - so do it now.  _ Go _ .” 

Then, without seeing what Ruddiger did, he turned and ran. He ran back through the streets of Corona, telling himself this had to be done. There was no other way - no other way to make up for what he had done. Because he could  _ never _ make up for what he had done, so he had to make them all forget. 

Ruddiger sat on the cold stone, rain making his fur stick to his body, watching his friend abandon him. Watching his friend fall. 

~*~ 

His father’s embrace was warm and Varian never wanted to leave. The casual touches his father so freely gave - a hand on his shoulder, a ruffle of his hair, a pat on his back - they made Varian feel more  _ whole _ than he had for a  _ long time _ . 

It felt like some surreal dream he never wanted to wake up from. He had been alone for so long, to have his father back was almost too good to be true. To have Rapunzel’s trust again was even more surreal and sometimes, Varian wondered when it was all going to crumble around him. 

It was strange, being back in their small house after everything that had happened. It was strange, being able to walk into the basement lab and not be faced with the stark reminder of his failure. It was strange to hear his father’s laugh again, to see his father smiling, walking, talking,  _ alive _ . 

He certainly didn’t deserve this second chance and he wondered why he had been given it. Part of him was too scared to ask for fear it would all be snatched away again and he would be back in the lab at the castle, working for the Saporians who had pretended to be his friends. 

Or worse, in the small prison cell rapidly losing hope, losing who he was. 

There was one more thing he had to do. Well, not really - there were many things he was going to have to do to make up for what he had done. To deserve the second chance he had been offered. But the first step in that direction was this. 

A bag of apples by his side, he stepped out into the forest, glancing back once to make sure he could still see his father - to make sure his father was still there. Dad raised a hand as he caught Varian looking back and Varian returned the gesture, taking a deep breath and stepping into the shadows of the trees. 

“Ruddiger?” he called, looking up, looking around, trying to catch the telltale rustle of bushes. “Ruddiger, you there buddy?” 

He stepped deeper, adjusting the bag and pulling out an apple. 

“Ruddiger?” 

Silence greeting his calls and he felt a rush of guilt - anger - grief. He should never have sent Ruddiger away. He should have  _ listened _ to Ruddiger in the first place. 

“I’m  _ sorry _ , buddy,” he called, almost a whisper. 

The trees rustled and Varian’s heart leapt. A shadow flickered beside him, coming closer to the ground and then - emerging slowly from the shadows - Ruddiger appeared. 

“Ruddiger!” he cried, stepping quickly forward. Ruddiger scurried backwards as he did, a wariness in the raccoon’s eyes Varian hadn’t seen in a long time. He took a deep breath, telling himself to take it slowly and sat, crossing his legs. “I don’t blame you,” he said quietly. 

“I - I’m sorry, Ruddiger.” The raccoon bounded forward a few paces, grabbing the apple Varian rolled towards him, watching him. Listening. “I know that isn’t enough, But… I should have listened. You were right, and I’m  _ sorry _ . I don’t expect you to come back - you probably have your own life out here, right?” he said with a slight laugh. Ruddiger took another step closer. 

“I just wanted to apologise,” Varian said quietly. “To start… to start  _ fixing _ things. So… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I used you when I attacked Corona. I’m sorry I abandoned you. I’m sorry I threw you aside and… and  _ betrayed _ you.” 

Tears were beginning to prick his eyes and he took a deep breath, wiping a hand across his face. 

“Thank you for sticking with me,” he said quietly. “And I’m sorry I didn’t stick with you.” 

Ruddiger chirped softly and Varian gave a small smile, tipping the bag and rolling out the rest of the apples. Then he began to stand, to leave and go home. 

He was knocked back down by a blur of fur as Ruddiger bowled into him, curling into his arms. Varian gasped as the raccoon curled around his shoulder, butting him affectionately. 

“Ruddiger?” he said quietly. Ruddiger chirped, crawling down his front and curling into his lap, looking up at him. Varian felt a lump in his throat - it felt good to apologise, yes, but he hadn’t expected to be  _ forgiven _ . 

He pulled the raccoon close, holding him tightly. They fit together perfectly, Ruddiger’s body warm and comfortable, familiar, comforting. He held Ruddiger and allowed himself the luxury of a few tears, tears because he had been  _ forgiven _ . 

Ruddiger purred happily, nuzzling his friend close. Part of him had been terrified Varian had fallen too far, that his young friend had fallen and was never going to be able to come back to the light. But now, sitting in a small patch of sunlight filtering through the trees, Ruddiger felt safe and warm and  _ loved _ in his friend’s arms. Where he belonged. 

~*~

Being terrified was draining. It wasn’t the first time, of course, but something about this magic-induced fear made everything a little worse. Maybe it was reliving all of his worst mistakes, maybe it was the fact that everyone was relying on  _ him _ , maybe it was using his greatest mistake to save the kingdom. 

Maybe it was because Ruddiger’s fur was stiff, his friend’s eyes frozen and still, unable to move, unable to even breath. 

_ “Just like Dad _ ,” a voice in his head whispered, accompanied by images the rocks made him see - the amber, slowly eating away at everyone he loved. The dark walls of the cell closing around him. His friends abandoning him again. 

He gritted his teeth and kept moving, Rapunzel’s warmth beside him the only thing holding him together. 

The sun was rising as they emerged from the tunnels, the mission complete. Varian felt exhausted, drained, tired. He wanted nothing more than to curl in a ball and  _ sleep _ but he wasn’t sure what was going to be possible. Despite the exhaustion, he still felt on edge, unable to relax. 

His father drew him into a warm hug, and Varian felt himself relax somewhat. He relaxed more so as Eugene ruffled his hair, as people  _ smiled _ at him,  _ saw _ him, not as a villain, not as an enemy, but as a  _ hero _ . 

Maybe he was beginning to earn his second chance after all. 

It wasn’t until a grew ball of fur bowled into him that he let himself relax fully. Ruddiger pressed into him, crawling up and down, wrapping around his neck, giving him wet raccoon kisses. Varian held him close, burying himself in the comfort of his best friend. 

He had been so  _ afraid _ that it wouldn’t work. He had been so  _ terrified _ the amber wouldn’t work and that even if it  _ did _ , Ruddiger wouldn’t be freed. Again and again, as they walked through the tunnels he had seen Ruddiger - petrified and frozen. Terrified. 

But now, Ruddiger’s fur warm against his skin, Varian closed his eyes and allowed himself to  _ breathe _ . They clung to each other for a long time, reminding the other they were not alone. 

Sleep easy when they returned home, Varian curled up on his bed, Ruddiger pressed tightly beside him. 

~*~

Varian had managed to hold it together surprisingly well. Coming back from the tower was a bit of a blur. He was vaguely aware of Rapunzel’s warm hug, of Eugene crouching to make sure he was alright, of Angry and Catalina teasing him about some insignificant thing. It was nice, but he felt detached from everything, like it all belonged to a world he didn’t. 

His father had pulled him into a warm hug when he returned home and Varian nearly broke down right there. Only months of maintaining his composure in front of others held him together and he forced a smile, convincing his father he was fine. 

It wasn’t until he had escaped to the privacy of his room that he allowed himself to crack a little. He curled onto his bed, gripping his pillow and trying to keep his breathing even, trying to come back to the present. 

A familiar warmth pressed into his side and he gladly replaced the pillow with Ruddiger’s warm fur, finally allowing himself to break fully in the presence of his friend. He sobbed silently, holding Ruddiger, letting it all out until he felt more like himself. 

“I was scared,” he whispered. Ruddiger trilled evenly, comfortingly, and Varian kept talking. “I… it reminded me of prison. Cold, and dark and I… I was helpless. And… and Cass… she scared me but…” He hesitated, wiping a hand over his eye and pushing himself up into a sitting position. Ruddiger shifted off his lap, looking up at him. 

“But most of all I - I was reminded…” He blinked a few times, trying to find the words. “Is that what  _ I _ was like? Angry… so, so  _ angry _ . So lost.” He said the last quietly, almost a whisper. Ruddiger stepped closer, standing up and laying a paw on his chest. Varian smiled down at him, pulling him into a hug. 

“At least I had you,” he said quietly. “Cassandra is… she’s all alone. She’s going to do something she regrets…” 

He didn’t finish the sentence, leaving the words hanging in the air as he found comfort in Ruddiger once again. 

“ _ Just I did _ .” 

~*~

Ruddiger bounded in front of him as Varian moved through the camp, mentally checking through the preparation he would have to do. Dad had the helmet, at least he didn’t have to worry about that (he just  _ hoped _ it wouldn’t be necessary.  _ Please _ don’t let it be necessary.) He needed to pack a few more supplies, vials and chemicals in case he needed to fight, a few extra screws because those  _ always  _ went missing. 

Ruddiger chirped loudly, taking a run around his feet and nearly knocking him over. He stumbled a few paces, bounding from foot to foot as Ruddiger scrambled up him, chattering in his face. 

“Okay, okay!” Varian cried, plucking the racoon off his shoulder and holding him out so they could talk better. “What’s up?” 

There was a glint in Ruddiger’s eye that made Varian a little nervous - a hardness, a determination. Ruddiger squirmed out of his hands, bounding across his arms and to the ground. He puffed out his tail and snarled, swiping a paw in front of him. 

“Wha - no,” Varian said, suddenly realising what Ruddiger was saying. “No, no I’m not doing that to you. Not again.” 

Ruddiger chattered, sitting and wrapping his tail around his paws. Varian shook his head, crouching in front of the raccoon. 

“I can’t do that to you again! You hated it last time. I’m  _ sorry _ about last time.” 

Ruddiger stepped forward slowly, raising a paw to place it on Varian’s cheek. He trilled softly, comfortingly and Varian hesitated. 

“I don’t…” He closed his eyes, lowering his head. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “I - I can make the formula again but… it’s  _ your _ choice this time.” 

Ruddiger chattered in affirmative, and Varian took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Alright,” he said. Ruddiger chirped, bounding up his arm and settling about his shoulder. Varian squared his jaw, moving to the small workbench he had set up as a laboratory while they prepared for the attack. 

He settled in, mixing chemicals, preparing the formula. Readying not make his friend a monster again. 

~*~

He woke in the middle of the night. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence, though his nightly nightmares had slowly changed to weekly and then fortnightly as the kingdom settled back to normal - whatever  _ that  _ was - after Zhan Tiri’s attack. But this time, it wasn’t a nightmare that had Varian blinking awake, peering around his dark room. 

He resisted the urge to rush out of the room and check up on his father - those nights had been frequent in the days after his father had been freed. But he knew Dad was sleeping in just the next room, could hear the soft snores drifting through the house if he listened hard enough. 

Still unsure of what had woken him, he scanned the room for anything that might have disturbed his rest. Soft moonlight shone through a gap in the windows, lighting a few things and finally, Varian’s eyes landed on Ruddiger. 

The raccoon was curled in a tight ball at the end of Varian’s bed. He was shaking slightly, kicking occasionally. A few muffled noises escaped the small animal - noises Varian knew well because he had woken many times with the same soft sounds on his lips. 

He pushed his covers aside and crawled to the end of the bed, gently laying a hand on Ruddiger’s fur. 

“Hey, buddy,” he said softly. Many nights, once freed and…  _ before _ , Ruddiger had nosed him awake from a nightmare, had curled up close as his demons chased him through his sleep. Now Varian was more than happy to return the favour. 

Ruddiger started, sitting up suddenly, fur puffed out and eyes flickering with concern. Varian laid a hand on his back, making soft, comforting noises. Meaningless chatter. Slowly, Ruddiger began to relax, and Varian pulled him closer. 

He pushed himself back across the bed, slipping his legs back under the covers. Ruddiger was still shaking slightly, curled close to Varian. 

“My turn to comfort you,” Varian said quietly, lying back down with Ruddiger curled close to his chest. They lay like that for a long time, Ruddiger’s shaking slowly fading. Finally, he shifted, pressing his nose into Varian’s chin and letting out a long huff. 

Varian smiled, wrapping his arms around his friend’s familiar shape. It wasn’t long until they both slowly drifted off to sleep, finding comfort in each other like they had always done. 

**Author's Note:**

> this WAS going to just be a short thing, but then I kept having more ideas, and then I noticed Ruddiger wasn't in 3.1 so I had to answer why and anyway I'm SOFT about these two boys.


End file.
